


All Alien Family

by krazieLeylines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliborn and Calliope are angsty preteens, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, I'm so sorry, Karkat Gamzee and Jade own a house together, Karkat and Jade are the cherubs' ectobiological parents, Momma Gamzee, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Porrim and Kanaya are trying to rebuild the troll race, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Rating May Change, Slice of Life, Trolls on Earth, and then Karkat gets pregnant, but i'm excited to write this, cherubcest - Freeform, fyi this will be an mpreg fic, idk if i want to add smut yet or not, idk what else to say, it's half serious plot and half slice of life fluff, the kids are still gods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 05:29:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazieLeylines/pseuds/krazieLeylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-sburb, Karkat moves into a house in the 'burbs with his moirail Gamzee, matesprit Jade, and ectobiological children Caliborn and Calliope. Rose and Terezi work towards the day they can integrate trolls into society. Porrim and Kanaya puzzle over how to continue the troll race without a matriorb. Caliborn and Calliope struggle with adolescence, and their up-coming, inevitable copulation. </p>
<p>Slice of life fic, half-serious plot, half-cute romantic shenanigans</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Alien Family

“Are you sure they sell them here?” 

The man running the cashier hardly paid his three teenaged visitors any attention over the top of his magazine. Used to bizarre and rowdy patrons, this seemingly normal trio didn’t seem any cause for alarm. Although, he had to admit that they kept odd company in one another.

The tall, exotic girl took a while to reply to her stocky ginger friend’s question, but after seeing that she was stuck on her cell – damn teenagers and their reliance on technology – the cashier rolled his eyes and returned to the gossip column. If they really needed help with finding something in the store, they would eventually come over to ask him themselves.

“Dave says they’re a gas station specialty,” Jade read from her phone, glancing around the aisle and shelves of baby care products. 

Their third friend ran a hand up the back of his head, playing with his ponytail as he gave an amused snort. “Yeah, and Strider is a real motherfuckin’ genius,” Gamzee growled, although he sweetened his tone when Jade shot him a glare, “Just sayin’, the guy could only be about sending us on a wild honkbeast chase.”

Karkat wasn’t listening to either of them, anxiously shuffling through the various wares, glancing over the printed text on the boxes before shoving them back in their places. “Tell Dave that if he’s fucking with us, I will take the next plane to Dallas to shove a—aha!”

“Shove a what?” Gamzee said, as Karkat lunged for a bright pink box, accidentally knocking a few condoms onto the floor with his elbow.

Thankfully, the cashier didn’t glance over at the sound, and Jade blushed brightly and squatted down to begin to clean them up before the woman with her baby who had been giving them curious stares for a while could see what she was doing. “Careful, Karkat,” she muttered, quickly putting the packages back where they belonged. Gamzee reached over her, taking a few and placing them back in her palm.

When Jade gave him a questioning eyebrow, Gamzee shrugged. “Just in case.”

“This is going to make us look just lovely,” Jade groaned, going over to Karkat to inspect what he had picked out. Turning it over, she pushed her glasses higher and read the smaller print at the corner. One could never know what sort of cheap tricks companies tried to pull these days to get people to buy their dubious products. This one, however, seemed to check out alright. “Okay, I’m guessing you want me to buy it?”

Karkat’s pathetic half-smile was enough of an answer for Jade, but he nodded anyway. “Please. I’d just be… freaky as fuck, right, for a guy to buy this shit?”

“I guess.” Jade didn’t really know how this sort of thing worked. Teen pregnancy wasn’t really a popular theme in the sorts of movies she generally watched back on her island. But seeing as Karkat appeared embarrassed enough for all three of them, Jade supposed that she could put on her big girl pants and do her matesprit a favor.

The sympathetic, almost pitying pat on the shoulder Gamzee gave her only made things worse, so Jade did her best to ignore him and headed to the cashier. Dave had warned her about the scathing look she would get, but it still made her flush when he looked at the pregnancy test and the condoms she had placed upon the counter, over to her stomach, and then up to her face. His expression, which before had greeted her with a smile when she had walked in, was deeply disapproving. 

He told her the total, and Jade paid him. She gave him her most dazzling smile, and it was the cashier’s turn to flush. “Thanks!” Before giving him a chance to respond, Jade swiftly returned to Karkat.

The two boys were hanging out near the bathroom, even though the open door showed that it was unoccupied. Jade supposed that she should have anticipated Karkat not wanting to wait until they got home. The way Gamzee was pretty much leaning on him, Jade knew that without his moirail’s comforting presence, he’d probably be a shaking mess of nerves. Well, more of a shaking mess of nerves than he already was.

“Breathe,” Jade told Karkat, leaning over to kiss his forehead. Karkat turned his head, stealing the kiss with his lips. It lingered a tad bit longer than what was probably appropriate for public, but Jade knew that Karkat needed it.

It was Gamzee that pulled Karkat away with a tap to his shoulder. “I’m all guessing you guys will be wanting to go in together?” He whispered softly, to which Karkat snuck a peek to Jade and nodded.

They all hovered there, waiting for someone else to make the first move. Gamzee broke the silence first, jabbing his thumb in the direction of the food. “My bellies getting down with the rumblies. You ain’t had breakfast yet, have you, bro? Want me to get you guys something while I wait?”

Karkat’s hand snapped to his stomach, and he gave an immediate shake of the head. “Shit, no. I can’t eat anything right now.”

Turning to Jade, Gamzee waited for her answer. When she asked for a ham and egg breakfast sandwich, Gamzee repeated it back to her just to make sure he remembered it. Pausing in his spot for a moment, as if having forgotten something, Gamzee snuck a quick kiss to Karkat’s forehead before giving a half wave and a “see you in a sec”, and sauntering off.

A quick survey of the room revealed that no one was watching them. Jade nodded at Karkat, motioning him into the small bathroom, and following after him. 

“Can we take off the xeno-illusionizer?” Karkat glanced over at Jade, whispering once the door was closed and the lock clicked into place, “I hate looking at my weird ass gorilla-haired dick boobs whenever I have to take a piss, even if they technically don’t exist. They still freak me the hell out.”

The xeno-illusionizer’s controller was in Jade’s purse, and she took it out with a giggle. “Testicles, Karkat. They’re called testicles.” After pushing the right series of buttons, the “friendship bracelet” on Karkat’s wrist shimmered, like water passing over it, and Karkat’s true troll form appeared from the illusion of the human mirage that had been surrounding him. “Now, c’mon, pants off.”

“No, please don’t,” Karkat whined, “Now, forevermore, whenever you say that, I’m going to remember this shitty ass moment cooped up in a urine-stenched gas station abolution trap with you.”

Jade rolled her eyes and pulled at Karkat’s belt. “Don’t procrastinate, dummy, you’ll only make yourself more anxious.” When he melted a bit, she knew she had dug down to the real problem. “Think of it like a band aid: just rip it off, quick, fast, painless.”

\--

There were twenty-four seconds left on Jade’s sandwich when Karkat screamed bloody murder, and Gamzee took off towards the bathroom, nearly ripping the door from the hinges before Jade unlocked it for him and let him in. Karkat was in his arms within the second, and Jade closed the door behind all three of them for privacy, trying not to touch any of the walls in the suddenly over-cramped area. 

“This is the most bullshitty bullshit that the universe ever expelled from its pimply fat ass anus.” Karkat babbled into Gamzee’s chest. 

Gamzee glanced at Jade, glancing at the plastic stick she was holding. The screen showed two lines.

“I’m going to call Porrim and Kanaya,” Jade finally said, when she was starting to lose her balance, “and let them know.” She didn’t say it right away, even though it was kind of obvious. “That Karkat is pregnant. My… boyfriend is pregnant.” The dog-earred goddess looked forlorn for a moment, before perking up. “Well, that’s new!”

Glancing up from Karkat’s hair, Gamzee tried to return her smile. “Let’s try and get our boy home, yeah? The jade twinettes can meet us there.”


End file.
